RULE 1 - Eliminate all forms of self pity in your life
Have you ever found yourself feeling sorry for yourself? Like maybe when things are going south...and you feel that your world is being ripped apart; and the first thing you resolve to is self pity?
Let me give you an example. Have you felt so bad that you desire for something to make yourself feel better - like diving into a tub of Double Dutch ice cream? Or when someone yells at you, be it at home or at work, the first thing you feel is "Poor Me"? Or when something bad happens, say you missed an important phone call because your phone is old and lame...do you start feeling depressed and say "Why do these things always happen to me?"? Or when you see your friend's photos on Facebook, especially with the ones of her with her gorgeous, to-die-for husband and her biannual trip to France, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower, do you start to think "Hmm..if only mum had enough money to send me overseas, I would've been like Sally here".
These are all signs of self pity.
I would say that on a list of bad habits that causes a person to fail, self pity would top it.
When you are slapped with a problem, whatever it may be - a day of unsuccessful job hunting, a long day stuck in traffic, a day where everything that can go wrong just did, your car broke down, your business is failing, a friend is ailing, you are locked out of the house, some smart-alec cuts in front of you in traffic, your teacher yells at you, you leave your very important work assignment at home, your tummy aches, you had a bad day at the cafeteria..and needless to say, the list goes on - do you rise and shine..or do you whine and wallow in self pity?
Most of us succumb to self pity. It's true. Whether we want to believe it or not, it's much easier to just blame someone for it, get mad, let someone else ruin your day, or go back to bed because the day isn't getting anywhere!
The worse thing about self pity, is that once you start feeling it, it refuses to go away. It would rather haunt you into feeling more self pity, and before you know it, you're on a downward spiral to the bottom, real fast.
What would have happened to the people below, if they let self pity rule their lives?
Liz Murray - With both her parents stricken with HIV-positive and living in extreme poverty conditions surrounded by drug abuse, Liz Murray had nowhere to go. Her mother, who was her custodian, was always slipping in and out of consciousness, no thanks to her drug problem. Her father, albeit also having a drug problem, was smart - and he always pushed Liz to have an education. But because of her parents' state and the fact that she had a younger sister to care for, she stopped schooling. However, there came a time when she had had enough, and decided to study - though she started high school later than most students, she was strong headed about educating herself. Due to her unstable conditions, and no place to study, she would board a subway train the entire day so she can use the train lights to study, sleep in the train, then wake up and go off to school the next day. Liz made it into Harvard University.
Thomas Edison - We all know that Thomas Edison created the light bulb...and we thank him for it! But most of us still don't know the story of his life and the challenges he had to persevere. Edison became deaf at an early age, due to scarlet fever. He held many jobs since he was young, and once spilled sulphuric acid onto the floor, which leaked into the floorboards, and onto his boss' desk below - and he was fired. And yes, he did try 999 times before successfully creating the light bulb we all know, love and use today, but when someone asked him how he felt about failing, he simply said "I learnt 999 new ways on how not to make a light bulb".
Lance Armstrong - Armstrong is a professional cyclist - so can you imagine his horror when hearing that he was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996? His doctor said he had only a 40% chance of survival. The doctors managed to get most, if not all of the tumors out of his body. But the greatest miracle of it all, is that he won the Tour de France cycling tournament 7 consecutive times after he was diagnosed with cancer!
Wonderful stories, yes?
Now can you imagine what would have happened, had these people let even an ounce of self pity into their lives? Liz Murray could have said "Hey, who cares about an education? Everyone else is into drugs..so why should I care?" Thomas Edison could have said "God hates me! That's why I fail so many times! I should just give up!" Lance Armstrong could have said "Ok, I guess my life is over. My career as a professional cyclist certainly is, no thanks to cancer. God must really be laughing at me right now! I hate my life!"
They could have...but they didn't. You see, I truly believe that we can choose what to focus on in life. I mean, no doubt, life will give us lemons - hey, life might sometimes even throw bowling balls at us! - but it's our choice, whether to accept these lemons with bitterness, or add some water, sugar and ice and make the best lemonade ever!
Next time, before we start blaming someone or feeling sorry for ourselves, try these tips:
1. Feel grateful for what we already have. Step out of your life and look at it from a 3rd person point of view. See what you already have and what you've been blessed with. More often than not, we're so deep into our lives, that we fail to be thankful.
2. Turn every threat into an opportunity. A threat is something you might not be able to control - like rain when you're having an outdoor party; or getting fired. Though you may not be able to control a threat, you can control how you deal with it. So it rains - get some buckets to collect the rain - free water to wash your car tomorrow! So you get fired - it's about time you give yourself a shot at that business you'd always wanted to start. See, there's always an option out of any threat...just want it bad enough, look for it, and you'll find it!
3. Channel your energy and time elsewhere. Next time you find yourself blaming your parents for bringing you up the wrong way, or blaming God for hating you, try to think of something else worthy of your energy and time. Hate, anger and fury can get really tiring, and it might lead to headaches! So, try to channel your energy to something else - maybe grab that book that's collecting dust on your shelf and start reading, maybe switch on that tele for a rerun of Ugly Betty, maybe pick up the phone and call up an old friend. Anything to get your mind off...and you'll feel better in a minute.
4. Know that there are people who are in worse situations than you. Yes, it may be time to stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about others. You're having a rough day stuck in traffic? Someone maybe struggling for dear life somewhere. You're angry because the McDonalds lady forgot to give you Chili sauce? Someone maybe dying of hunger because her family just does not have enough money to buy food. There is always someone in a worse situation than you are in. Join in as a volunteer and help the less fortunate. You will start seeing your life in a different angle.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself - self pity is the most degrading form of life.
Pick yourself up, take a walk, smell the roses!
Good luck!
Coming up...Part 2 of the "7 Surefire Rules to be a Better YOU"
Let me give you an example. Have you felt so bad that you desire for something to make yourself feel better - like diving into a tub of Double Dutch ice cream? Or when someone yells at you, be it at home or at work, the first thing you feel is "Poor Me"? Or when something bad happens, say you missed an important phone call because your phone is old and lame...do you start feeling depressed and say "Why do these things always happen to me?"? Or when you see your friend's photos on Facebook, especially with the ones of her with her gorgeous, to-die-for husband and her biannual trip to France, posing in front of the Eiffel Tower, do you start to think "Hmm..if only mum had enough money to send me overseas, I would've been like Sally here".
These are all signs of self pity.
I would say that on a list of bad habits that causes a person to fail, self pity would top it.
When you are slapped with a problem, whatever it may be - a day of unsuccessful job hunting, a long day stuck in traffic, a day where everything that can go wrong just did, your car broke down, your business is failing, a friend is ailing, you are locked out of the house, some smart-alec cuts in front of you in traffic, your teacher yells at you, you leave your very important work assignment at home, your tummy aches, you had a bad day at the cafeteria..and needless to say, the list goes on - do you rise and shine..or do you whine and wallow in self pity?
Most of us succumb to self pity. It's true. Whether we want to believe it or not, it's much easier to just blame someone for it, get mad, let someone else ruin your day, or go back to bed because the day isn't getting anywhere!
The worse thing about self pity, is that once you start feeling it, it refuses to go away. It would rather haunt you into feeling more self pity, and before you know it, you're on a downward spiral to the bottom, real fast.
What would have happened to the people below, if they let self pity rule their lives?
Liz Murray - With both her parents stricken with HIV-positive and living in extreme poverty conditions surrounded by drug abuse, Liz Murray had nowhere to go. Her mother, who was her custodian, was always slipping in and out of consciousness, no thanks to her drug problem. Her father, albeit also having a drug problem, was smart - and he always pushed Liz to have an education. But because of her parents' state and the fact that she had a younger sister to care for, she stopped schooling. However, there came a time when she had had enough, and decided to study - though she started high school later than most students, she was strong headed about educating herself. Due to her unstable conditions, and no place to study, she would board a subway train the entire day so she can use the train lights to study, sleep in the train, then wake up and go off to school the next day. Liz made it into Harvard University.
Thomas Edison - We all know that Thomas Edison created the light bulb...and we thank him for it! But most of us still don't know the story of his life and the challenges he had to persevere. Edison became deaf at an early age, due to scarlet fever. He held many jobs since he was young, and once spilled sulphuric acid onto the floor, which leaked into the floorboards, and onto his boss' desk below - and he was fired. And yes, he did try 999 times before successfully creating the light bulb we all know, love and use today, but when someone asked him how he felt about failing, he simply said "I learnt 999 new ways on how not to make a light bulb".
Lance Armstrong - Armstrong is a professional cyclist - so can you imagine his horror when hearing that he was diagnosed with testicular cancer in 1996? His doctor said he had only a 40% chance of survival. The doctors managed to get most, if not all of the tumors out of his body. But the greatest miracle of it all, is that he won the Tour de France cycling tournament 7 consecutive times after he was diagnosed with cancer!
Wonderful stories, yes?
Now can you imagine what would have happened, had these people let even an ounce of self pity into their lives? Liz Murray could have said "Hey, who cares about an education? Everyone else is into drugs..so why should I care?" Thomas Edison could have said "God hates me! That's why I fail so many times! I should just give up!" Lance Armstrong could have said "Ok, I guess my life is over. My career as a professional cyclist certainly is, no thanks to cancer. God must really be laughing at me right now! I hate my life!"
They could have...but they didn't. You see, I truly believe that we can choose what to focus on in life. I mean, no doubt, life will give us lemons - hey, life might sometimes even throw bowling balls at us! - but it's our choice, whether to accept these lemons with bitterness, or add some water, sugar and ice and make the best lemonade ever!
Next time, before we start blaming someone or feeling sorry for ourselves, try these tips:
1. Feel grateful for what we already have. Step out of your life and look at it from a 3rd person point of view. See what you already have and what you've been blessed with. More often than not, we're so deep into our lives, that we fail to be thankful.
2. Turn every threat into an opportunity. A threat is something you might not be able to control - like rain when you're having an outdoor party; or getting fired. Though you may not be able to control a threat, you can control how you deal with it. So it rains - get some buckets to collect the rain - free water to wash your car tomorrow! So you get fired - it's about time you give yourself a shot at that business you'd always wanted to start. See, there's always an option out of any threat...just want it bad enough, look for it, and you'll find it!
3. Channel your energy and time elsewhere. Next time you find yourself blaming your parents for bringing you up the wrong way, or blaming God for hating you, try to think of something else worthy of your energy and time. Hate, anger and fury can get really tiring, and it might lead to headaches! So, try to channel your energy to something else - maybe grab that book that's collecting dust on your shelf and start reading, maybe switch on that tele for a rerun of Ugly Betty, maybe pick up the phone and call up an old friend. Anything to get your mind off...and you'll feel better in a minute.
4. Know that there are people who are in worse situations than you. Yes, it may be time to stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about others. You're having a rough day stuck in traffic? Someone maybe struggling for dear life somewhere. You're angry because the McDonalds lady forgot to give you Chili sauce? Someone maybe dying of hunger because her family just does not have enough money to buy food. There is always someone in a worse situation than you are in. Join in as a volunteer and help the less fortunate. You will start seeing your life in a different angle.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself - self pity is the most degrading form of life.
Pick yourself up, take a walk, smell the roses!
Good luck!
Coming up...Part 2 of the "7 Surefire Rules to be a Better YOU"
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