Rule 4 - Understand the Power of Direction and Goals
Do you know where you're headed in life? I mean, really...have you ever given it any thought?
Most of us chance through life. This is a fact. From the outside, it may look like we lead a rosy, near to perfect life; but that may be far from the inconvenient truth.
Where are you headed in life?
Stephen Covey put it excellently when he said that some of us are too busy climbing the ladder of success, that we never put much thought as to whether the ladder is leaning against the right wall!
Why is it so important to know where we're headed? Is it wrong to just live life without having to carry the burden of knowing that we have to achieve something?
Let's put it this way - everything we do in life; everything in life has a purpose. The honey bee's bigger purpose in life is to pollinate while they look for honey; the government introduced the concept of public education with the main purpose of supporting the demand created by industrialism (and that's why we go to school!); the main reason we eat is to satisfy hunger, which is our body's natural message to us; we wince because we're in pain; we exercise to get fit; we sleep so our bodies can recuperate and rejuvenate - everything has a purpose.
So to say that we do not know where we're headed in life is shocking.
Most of us will be lucky (or unlucky?) enough to live till we're 70 - 80. Living till 80 aimlessly would really be sad!
How to know if you have a direction in life?
- Do you end another year feeling like an entire year has passed but you have achieved nothing?
- Do you feel somewhat sad on your birthday because you're a year older now?
- Do you find yourself constantly wondering "Who am I?"
- Do you find yourself feeling envious whenever you see a friend that is doing better than you?
- Do you hate your job?
- Do you hate your life?
If you've answered YES to any one of the questions above, then it's time for a life-check. It's time to start putting life straight. It's time to have a direction.
If you're asking "What has hating my job got anything to do with needing directions?", then hear me out. If you hate your job, for whatever reason, it means you are clearly unhappy. So what are you still doing there? Get out! But then you'd say "Who's going to pay the bills?". You're right.
Well, if paying bills is your main purpose, then doing anything that's going to pay the bills should suffice. So, you should be loving your job. But you're not! So, what's happening here? The problem lies in not having a clear enough direction in life. This will later lead to further unhappiness (there are counselors to solve that), strained relationships (more counselors! Plus self-help books on relationships, magazines, quizzes), illnesses (mostly stress-related, which you will have to succumb to medication, a meditation guru...and probably another counselor!)...so in the end, we're not happy about the job which is supposed to be paying the bills, which is now paying to 'cure' your unhappiness and the outcomes of that unhappiness! How ironic!
The Power of Want
Ok, so now you're sold, and you want to know how you can start creating directions in your life - it's easy, really - because the most important tool you would need to start creating your directions, is within you - it is the power of want.
Most of us know what we want...it's just that we don't know that we know it. We all want happiness, peace, healthy relationships (unless you're an absolute sadist!), a good (or sometimes, great) career, and the list goes on. If we really didn't know what we wanted, how can we become so sad when we don't have it? Think about it. So we know what we want.
BUT, a want without a goal or a plan is going to stay a wish. If Bill Gates said "I want to be a billionaire in the field of IT" and didn't have a goal or a plan, he would've probably been an executive somewhere, earning a meagre (ok, maybe a slightly more than meagre) income. He would've been somewhat happy, but he (and the rest of the world!) would have never known his fullest potential. Now, wouldn't that simply be tragic!
Yes, you need goals - a set of plans or some idea on how you're going to get what you want.
Goals are such powerful tools in life, because it gives us an idea of what we're working towards.
Tag's Life
Here's an idea of how goals work, let's look at Tag's (he's imaginary) life. He was never introduced to the concept of goals, so he took life as it came:
- Get a college degree or start working? - Work
- Work in a factory as a supervisor earning RM1000 or work in a desk job in a bank earning RM 800? - Factory
- After working for 5 years, get married or accept that offer for an overseas job? - Get married
- 1 year after getting married, to have a kid or accept another offer for an overseas job? - Get a kid
- When kid grows up, public or private school? - Public school
- When kid goes to college, overseas or local - Local
- When planning to retire, kid fails, kid goes to another college or work? - Another college
- When retire, travel or rest? - Rest
Frankly, it doesn't look like his life is all that bad, does it? It is how most of us go through life. We think of a solution only when a problem or circumstance arrives. Not bad.
Jack's Life
Now let's look at Jack. Jack basically knows what he wants in life. He wants to have a PhD and he wants be a millionaire. He wants to retire by 40. He wants the woman he loves, but does not want kids. He wants to travel to many countries around the world. Let's ask Jack some questions
- Get a college degree or start working? - College degree
- Continue with Masters, work or do both? - Both
- Continue with PhD, work or do both? - Both
- Meets a lady with 2 kids, marry or not? - Not
- Writes a book, to publish or not - Publish
- Gets opportunity to travel overseas to market book - Travel
- Meets his life partner, marry or not - Marry
- Gets an opportunity to retire at 40 with RM 500,000 in bank account or at 45 with RM 1,000,000 in his bank account - retire at 45.
What do you think of Jack's life? It is one with a little more structure, because he knew exactly what he wanted. So his life's direction is pretty much set, and he lives everyday towards realizing his wants. At times when he came at a crossroads (choosing to retire at 40 or become a millionaire), he chose what he felt was more important.
What happens when goals are set but life happens differently?
"Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined"
Deepak Chopra
It's true. Life has a funny way of playing with us.
All my life, I've wanted to do one thing - and that is to read the news. I won many news reading competitions in school and in the university (where I did my Degree in IT!) and frankly, I never had a goal. I was too afraid to have the goal of reading the news on TV for 2 main reasons; (1) What if I started reading the news and then a better offer came by? and (2) Would people think me lame for reading the news? (Was it an intelligent enough job?). So I decided to start working in a 'smart' job. Then, the unthinkable happened, out of 500 people who went for a newsreading audition, I was one of 2 people picked to read the news on national TV! I was elated, but was also instantly cast with a sea of doubt. Should I? Shouldn't I? If I did have a goal then, I would have done it. But I didn't. I was too afraid. So I turned down the offer to continue my MBA, and then worked in many meaningless 'smart' jobs which never gave me the satisfaction I craved.
Life happens.
"It is the set of sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we will go"
Jim Rohn
If we know deep inside what we truly want, and we set our mind to go out there and get it, then no matter what happens, you will get what you want. So when life gifts us with its twists and turns, we have to decide if we want to go on holding on to that goal, or move in a different direction. Whatever we decide, it is our decision.
Is setting goals absolutely necessary?
I used to think that having goals and directions are a sad way to lead life. I've always believed in the spontaneity of things - take it as it comes. And, while there was nothing wrong with that, I found myself happier once I started having some structure in life - setting goals has helped me realize what I can do, what I need to do, what I have done and how far I need to go. And that is good, because I read somewhere, that when you die, you take nothing with you - it's how much you leave behind that really matters. How can you know what you will leave behind if you never intended it to be so.
The Power of Setting Goals
- A little girl knew, at age 12, that she wanted to help others lead a better life, and at 18 left her mother and sister to join the missionary without looking back - she is the late Mother Teresa
- A little boy, whose family practised vegetarianism, experimented with meat once and swore to never touch it ever again, and never did - he is the late Mohandas Gandhi
- A young man who barely spoke English had a dream to build the nation's first entertainment park on the hills, who with his wife, had days of eating only porridge to support his dream...and he succeeded - the late Lim Goh Tong, developed and founded Genting Highlands
- 50 years ago, scientists said that it was impossible for a human to run the 100m event at 9.69 seconds, but they were wrong, because someone did - he is Usain Bolt
What did all these people do right?
They had goals.
They had dreams.
And they knew exactly where they were headed.
Is setting goals enough?
Imagine this scenario. You are on the tracks, awaiting to hear the gunshot for the commencement of the 100m event. You have a goal, to reach the 100m finish line in 7 seconds. Never before done feat, but you are confident that you can do it. You had a goal, and you start to run...and yes! You made it in 7 seconds! Great! But, you're not the winner! All because, you were running in the wrong direction!
Sometimes in life, we do all we do to achieve that goal, but we are unsure of the direction.
- I want to be rich (you can be rich doing evil things)
- I want to be famous (you can be infamous)
- I want to be a CEO (you can be a CEO of a failing company)
When we make goals, it has to be with some direction.
- I want to be rich by helping people
- I want to be a famous, successful actor on TV
- I want to be the CEO of a thriving company
7 Steps on How to Set Goals
1. Have ME time
Do you have anytime that you can set for yourself? It has to be an alone time, away from life's common (welcomed or unwelcomed) distractions - people, kids, dogs, phones, responsibilities. If you don't have a ME time set, then do it now. Always remember to take care of yourself too. During any flight, you hear the same advice - always put the oxygen mask on you before you put it onto others, because if you don't, then you are risking the lives of both you and the person you are planning to help. So go find an hour every week, at a quiet location. For me, it's at Starbucks!
2. Get a notebook
It's true. As lame as this may sound, get a notebook - whether it's the real book, or a laptop is irrelevant, but get something you can use to jot your goals and musings as you go along. A smartphone would do just fine too.
3. Look at your life closely
Before you start to think of your goals, think of what you're doing now. What things in life that you are currently doing. What is important to you. What is a waste of time. Jot it down. Don't just think about it. It is proven that when you write, it solidifies the feeling of 'realness'
4. Goal categories
Start setting goals in these categories. Start with 1 goal per category. If you do not wish to set a goal in any one of the category, then leave it blank
- Family
- Career
- Health
- Hobbies
- Spirituality and religion
- Finances and Wealth
- Education
- Artistic
- Attitude, Beliefs, Values
- Giving back to society
5. Daily To-Do List
Have a to-do list of what you wish to do to achieve the goals in every category that you had set. Eg, if your Family goal is to be closer to your parents, what can you do daily/ weekly/ monthly to achieve this goal? Daily - call mom. Weekly - visit parents. Monthly - travel with parents. When you specify it like this, at the end of the year, your goal to be closer to your family is achieved, and you will automatically feel a sense of achievement - plus, you're closer to your family now! If it's to become a more respected person at work, your to-do list might look like this: Daily - dress up very professionally. Weekly - provide more constructive feedback at weekly meetings, and stay away from gossip. Monthly - post an article in the monthly newsletter that can help others. If you feel that these are too focused, then good. It should be this way. The more detailed you are, the better the results will be.
6. Review, Feedback, Rewrite, Repeat
Like the shampoo ad that goes "Wash, Lather, Repeat", goals have a system too. Every goal has to be reviewed to ensure (a) that you're on the right track, (b) the goal's suitability to real life, and (c) that it is infact, bringing in the results you want. Review your goals weekly to begin with, and then monthly, quarterly and yearly. Eg, if your Health goal is to lose 10 kgs in 1 week, it sounds very doable, but when you actually start doing things in your to-do list: Eat 5 fruits a day, exercise for 2 hours a day, wake up at 4am to do yoga, run the stairs at work - you might realize that it is not doable. No worries, don't give up - just rewrite.
7. Goals are meant to make you Happier
At any one time, if you feel that your goals are creating havoc in your life, take a step back...go back to your ME time, and rethink your goals and direction. Make your decision to change them if you need to.
So, make it a challenge this week, to find some time alone, and think about your life's directions and goals...it'll be worth it!
"How am I going to live today in order to create the tomorrow I'm committed to?"
Tony Robbins
Life is great - focus on the destination, and enjoy the journey!
Good luck!
Coming up...Part 5 of the "7 Surefire Rules to be a Better YOU"
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