Rule 2 - Command respect, not demand it
What's the difference, you ask? To demand respect basically means you shout out that you're the best and the most powerful, literally forcing people to 'respect' you (of course in this case, it would be more fear than respect). To command respect is to exuberate a kind of character that people almost cannot disrespect - they feel like they want to respect you...and frankly, that's the best kind of respect there is.
The world is full of phonies, and those who demand respect fall into that category. When you leave this world, you would want people to know you for all the good you have done to make the world a better place, not to come to your funeral just because they have to. That would be terribly sad now, wouldn't it?
To command respect is classy - to demand it is cheap, fake, immature and it is a symbol of misused power. Demanding respect is when expectations arise after something is done; when you tell someone you did something good, expecting a praise or a pat on the back; raising your voice to another to show them who's boss, expecting them to listen to you; undermining another just because you think you can; talking behind one's back to another, expected to be liked.
It is very easy to tell if someone is commanding or demanding respect. Take you for example. Ask yourself these questions, and answer them. Frankly! And you will know.
1. If you have a child, have you yelled at him/her when you wanted something done?
2. As soon as you have done something good, do you go around announcing it to the next person you see, and probably feeling dejected when someone else doesn't think it's a good enough act?
3. Do you ever tell someone something in absolute secrecy, making them promise not to tell, and the next thing you know, it is you who is telling the entire neighbourhood about it?
4. Do you feel that you can't help but to talk to other people about someone behind their back, because you must let them know?
5. Have you ever verbally told someone that they're just not good enough because you're jealous?
If you'd answered YES to any one of the above, then that is an act of demanding respect - it is rather bully-ish, wouldn't you say?
Commanding respect, on the other hand, is when people start respecting you without being told to. This is a quality of a great leader. Sometimes, you just can't explain it, but you feel that you must respect that person - examples are Nelson Mandela, Gandhi, Lance Armstrong and Barrack Obama. They do not intimidate you with their presence...rather, one would feel humbled and honoured. Compare this feeling to what you would feel if you were in the presence of Adolf Hitler.
People will start respecting you when
- you make promises you can and do deliver
- you are honest in your speech, thoughts, actions and desires
- you respect others
- you respect yourself - it is really obvious to others whether you respect yourself or not. A big sign that you are disrespecting yourself is when you put yourself down, or when you're ridden with self pity!
- you display that you can make your own decisions and stick by them without faltering, and face the consequences without regret, although sometimes, your decision may not be right
- you are steadfast to the cause at hand, no matter what challenges come your way
- you are trustworthy and reliable
Remember, when you wake up from bed tomorrow morning, you have a choice - whether to command or demand respect. The choice is yours, but whatever it may be, may you be an inspiration to you and those around you.
"Men are respected only as they respect"
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Coming up...Part 3 of the "7 Surefire Rules to be a Better YOU"
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